I’m mad as hell.
I know that is not the proper southern Christian thing to say.
But I don’t feel like being proper much these days.
My amazing friend Gavin Duncan is gone.
I’m angry about that.
That isn’t bad.
It is healthy.
Anger has been polarized from Christianity in our society.
At least in the south.
We think anger should be hidden, dealt with quietly, and put away.
Yet in doing so, we deny the fact that we are alive.
Anger shows us that we are alive and what we care about.
What makes us angry is what makes us act.
Anger acted upon immaturely is rage or perfectionism.
Anger acted upon in a healthy way, brings life giving change.
I used to think that if I was angry I wasn’t walking with God.
Now I see that in my anger, I am walking closer with Him than I ever have before.
I am not angry at God (I was and still am at times)
I am angry with God.
We are angry together.
I understand Him in ways I didn’t before.
I understand why this isn’t right.
Death is wrong.
And why He acted.
In my anger, I understand now, more than ever why Jesus had to come.
To bring change.
Anger shows you what you are passionate about and what you value.
I valued Gavin.
That is ok.
That is healthy.
I am mad as hell.
And I choose to be an instrument of change.
God use me to love in the absence of it.
Use me to reach out to those that are neglected, taken advantage of,
To value those that feel forgotten.
Use me, my anger, to be an instrument of change.
I have seen you do it before.
Moses was angry.
Abraham Lincoln was angry.
Martin Luther King Jr. was angry.
Mother Teresa was angry.
Compassion is birthed from anger.
Anger about the absence of love.
I am angry about death, about the absence of love, about injustice.
Teach me how to live with this anger.
How to bring change.
Thank you that I had a friend/brother/son that was so valued that I know what it is to feel.
May my anger cause me to love without limits and bring about change.
May you be glorified.
May all be made right through Jesus.
Help us not to deny how you made us.
But to walk with you through it, to be used by you in it.
May we fully live, fully love.
I’m mad as hell.